CHANGE OF HEARTS by Sojourner Kcy

I'm wearing the strongest mask so no one will be able to see reality within my bright existence. It is too loud for me to heed where I am now. I truly don't know when to run or walk or should I take a break for a while. I've been feeling so tired without doing anything. Yes, it was all in my mind. It runs faster and so my body drowns with anxiousness and sees actual nightmares of wars between peace and troubles. I know how to listen, but most often people do not understand the way things should be for some acknowledged brave soldiers. It is the certainty that, they too need a listener. Someone, like Job's friend, who take a week to just sit and mourn with him because the ground in his heart has been too damaged that he was not able to speak a word or express the pain inside him. We cannot conceal things for all times. We cannot lie to ourselves, although for numerous chances, it is evidently hard to be honest. But, when will we decide to live a non-fiction story? Isn't the children knows how to live that way? They cry in the simplest matters, laugh so hard in the shallowest reasons, and love the little things that we don't give time to appreciate. We all have came to that point, we become mature as days go by; trying our best to be well turned-out as we walked out from our door steps. We tend to overlook what we usually love back then, what our heart beats for, and act as the world look forward to us. Yes. We please our neighbors even if it would denote the traces of our old happy self behind. Change. It is very essential and permanent - ought to be for better and not for the opposite. I myself knew what has come into my personal shell. I became the woman I never knew I would be before. We all due to the same process but we can never blame others what emerge into our shadows. Some became tough and some grown weak. Well, we cannot really predict what might we become BUT we will always have the scheme about it. Today, we place in the ground of our future. We make decisions knowing that it will lead just into two ends - either for good or bad. We are given the free will to choose from the festive choices in this world. Some people used to say that we never actually made mistakes since everything will help us live a happy life. Actually, my friend, we don't. We make mistakes! and a lot of it in a lifetime. The difference was the result of each mistake and how it works in our lives.

At these moments, I may have a hard time to figure out things or what should I do. I'm suffocating myself in thinking of what I should do next without even asking my Creator of what He plans for me! I was walking, running and resting without His manual. Everyday has been a puzzle rearranged amid my ways. It'd been hard for me and all I know now, was I need to draw closer to HIM (James 4:8). No one could ever heal my brokenness more than the LORD could ever do. I need a change of heart. I cannot run away from this false reality. No matter where I go, GOD has been there, I pushed Him away out of my pride. It is not that I hold onto Him He says, but I should just be held by HIM. I was never strong. The motion of my life revolves in a hard grip of fight as I hide it all in my heart and little by little dries up my joy. That was I never considered and see! I fall into my knees and look back at my life. I perceive how I changed. I feel how my heart beats now. I taste the goodness of the LORD. In the fictional world of brave and strong people out there, no one can clearly give sight what is needed first - it is to approach the throne of the GOD who is omnipresent and omniscient. We all learn the hard way they say, but we always have the choice to choose between learning through experiences or learning by His given instructions on how to live this life according to His will.

Are you also suffocated? exhausted? tired? unwell? My friend, we all have circumstances to deal with, some are small and some are too big to console BUT we are assured that the LORD hears and cares more than anyone we knew. Let us ask HIM to change our hearts, we are weak and He is strong. His love for us endures forever!

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